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As the wedding got closer, I did begin to have doubts, but you get so wrapped up in plans, and by then the dress was bought and the reception hall was booked. There was no way I could call off the wedding.” Laura relaxes as she speaks, searching for cause and effect, a little surprised at her own daring in telling me these things. But sex wasn’t as good as it was before we got married. His room was on my floor and he was waiting for me. It was a very long corridor and he was standing at the end, but I couldn’t really see him as there was a window behind him and the light coming in made him just a dark shadow. The sex happened quite quickly and didn’t last long, perhaps because we’d had a bit to drink, but it was exciting to have someone touch my body. I’d never been unfaithful, and so the fact that I’d planned every step, knowing what was going to happen in the end, was too much for me. She was loved, “the whole package.” The scenes she paints—the cornfield, the dog, the request for a kiss—are the scenes of a movie.
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She is in her mid-40s, tall, voluptuous, beautiful by any standard, intelligent, successful in her profession within the civil service. I recognize that her tale is not simple; so many marriages do not fit the definition of “to love and cherish from this day forward.” But I don’t yet see why she did it. I was really attractive when I was a teenager and intimidating to young guys. We’ve never been able to communicate when things aren’t going well. I said, ‘I think sleeping together is a very intimate act and we don’t have that kind of intimacy. He’s very handsome and fit—and he’s got a really big cock. Suddenly, someone declared me beautiful, revelled in my ability to arouse and be aroused, and so the sense of failure was replaced and I was reinvented.
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